My newsletter is late this week because I was working yesterday, as you can see from the photo above. I slipped away from my desk in the afternoon to take advantage of the 3 hour ski pass which is on offer less than an hour from where we are living in Italy. I told myself that I had to get ready for my brother’s family, who are traveling from Atlanta to visit us in a few weeks time. My nephew is a top skier and I want to retain my position as “cool aunt”.
I’m also preparing myself because my brother and his family hold radically different political opinions to mine. I want to maintain being present, rather than the glassy-eyed stare I normally adapt while we discuss the affairs of the world. And skiing is a great way for me to remember a wonderful truth:
You aren’t your opinions.
That’s one of the key insights I explore in my book Embody: The Power of Presence in an Age of Distraction. The reason people argue is because they identify with their opinions. When this happens, the brain treats different viewpoints as threats. The same circuits that activate when you face physical danger light up when your beliefs are challenged. No wonder conversations can feel like combat!
However the solution isn’t about changing your opinions or trying to change those of others—it’s about changing your relationship with thoughts altogether.
This is where embodiment comes in. It allows you to listen to different perspectives without feeling threatened. So the next time you find yourself in a heated discussion, remember to feel your feet on the ground, take a deep breath and follow it down inside yourself to that place in the belly I call home. By doing this, it activates what neuroscientists call the “window of tolerance”—that sweet spot where dialogue becomes possible.
Best of all, this isn’t about compromising values. It’s about holding them from a place of presence rather than fear. When you’re grounded in the body rather than caught in thoughts, you can start to laugh at yourself and see that you are defending just that—your opinions! No more, no less.
And besides, the truth is, neither of you might be right. You’ll only know the answer in about 20 years or so.
Knowing that you aren’t your opinion may sound simple, but the implications are profound. Instead of contributing to the polarization that’s fragmenting society, you become a bridge. You can discuss differences without division, explore ideas without enmity, and connect despite contrasts. To me, this awareness isn’t just a practice—it’s a social necessity.
I wrote Embody because we don’t need more arguments—we need a new way of being. When you live from your home rather than your thoughts, you contribute to a more connected, understanding world.
This is how we begin to heal the divides in our world, one conversation at a time.
Much love, Andrena
